The Optical Files #16: David Banner - Certified (2005)

On September 21st, 2005, I flew out of Dulles Airport to Sevilla, Spain for my fall 2005 semester abroad. I knew the airport by heart after having worked there as a baggage handler for the past year. My flight departed from concourse A, but I had some time to kill so I made a special trip on the mobile lounge to concourse C because that's where the California Pizza Kitchen & the record store were, & the new David Banner album had just dropped. It's quite possible that I played the CD in my discman on repeat for the entire flight, or close to it.

I tell this story by way of explaining why it's hard for me to be fully objective about this album. I just have so many rose-tinted memories associated with it. In some ways, Certified feels like a time capsule of everything you needed to make a mainstream rap album in 2005: A Lil Jon beat & feature; a Twista feature; a few contributions from Jazze Pha (what happened to that guy?); a Mr. Collipark-produced snap song with the Ying-Yang whisper flow; a rap-rock collaboration (Linkin Park & Jay-Z's joint project was huge the previous year). On the other hand, the album is infused with a deep soulfulness & social conscience. David Banner was the DMX of the south: an almost cartoonishly aggressive, macho presence who could turn on a dime into authentic spiritual anguish. On Certified, the former Southern University student government president gave me what I craved from rap at the time: cultured, politically aware, unapologetic hood shit.

"I'ma come to the crib, I'ma flood my block/I'ma ride downtown yelling 'FUCK TRENT LOTT'/They done raped grandmama, they done took our land/Now they wonder why a n**** don't give a hot damn"

Banner always had a thing for guitars, but this is the most guitar-driven & rock-inflected his music ever got. He produces 10 out of 17 songs, & of those self-produced joints, all but 2 feature prominent guitar parts. Only 1 feels derivative of his prior work--"My Life," which wants to be "Cadillacs on 22s" pt. 2 before "Cadillacs on 22s Pt. 2," but still features an interesting lyric about betrayal. Of the Banner beats, the scorching, Craig Love-assisted opener "Lost Souls," quoted above, is one of my favorites, as well as "2 Fingers," which manages to find a unique sound with stomps & handclaps overdubbed what sounds like 50 times in place of drums (Banner reuses this trick on "Thinking of You") plus driving acoustic guitar chords & wordless backup vocals. Sadly, the lyrics on the latter song don't reach the heights of the beat--it's another one of Banner's desultory pimp anthems.

Banner took an interesting approach to sequencing this album--rather than interspersing songs on different topics, he organized it into 4 rough chunks. Starting with "2 Fingers," we get 4 songs about women in a row, just like at the end of the album we get 4 conscious joints in a row. The quarter of Certified preoccupied with sex & love is the section that comes the closest to making me lose interest. At best, Banner doesn't have much interesting to say on these topics. At worst, we get "Play," which rides the short-lived Ying-Yang Twins "Wait" whisper-flow wave, which aged horribly. I absolutely acknowledge that the song is meant for the strip club, not backpacker headphones. Still, I doubt the production--with the vocals mixed so prominent as to overpower everything else--would sound good anywhere, & today the whole thing is just embarrassingly dated.

Another interesting beat is Get Cool's contribution, "On Everything" ft. Twista, which samples "King's Motorcade" from Coming to America while also paying tribute to the flyness of HBCU marching bands (which also had a bit of a moment around this time thanks to the movie Drumline). Then there's Westside, which is one of the album's jewels. Over a G-funk-influenced beat by Maestro, Banner pays tribute to...well, pretty much every west coast rapper he could think of. To hear an artist so fixated on his own region show so much love to another region is heartwarming. There's no ulterior motive, he's not trying to hit any kind of lick, he just loves west coast hiphop & wants us to know it. Westside is pure love, & I wish there were more songs like it in general.

Despite the abundance of features (15 guest rappers across 17 tracks, not even counting the guest singers), Banner never gets lost in the mix, & that's a testament to his strength of personality. The features themselves are stellar. I've got a soft spot for bellowing giant MGJ on "Gangsta Walk"; Boosie, who floats over an uptempo beat full of orchestral chops on "Ain't Got Nothing"; & BG's shivery, ghoulish flow on the horror-esque "Bloody War," full of eerie portamento synths. Talib Kweli shows up on the dead prez collab "Ridin'" trying a flow that just doesn't work, but I respect any verse that mentions Bunchy Carter. But the award for best feature goes to Banner's old Crooked Lettaz partner Kamikaze, who makes a too-short appearance on "X-ed." (Not to be confused with the Too Short appearance on "Take Your.") I don't know much about Kamikaze & why he & Banner parted ways, but they always had great chemistry & I would have liked to see more work from the duo.

Nowadays I don't find myself drawn to records that have as much unbridled testosterone as this one does, but that probably says more about me than about the album. For me this is by far the best David Banner album, & the only one where he struck the perfect balance of conscious & street, without being too ratchet for the conscious heads (like he was before) or too woke for the streets (like he became after). This is the sweet spot, & I'll still spin it pretty often to this day. I usually skip tracks 5-7 though.

2021 Between the Lines #06 - Images of Relevance

For the Art and the Image.  Photography chosen for artistic attributes above all else.

Links:  

The NY Times - The Year in Pictures 2021

The NY Times - Favorite Art Photos of 2021

Photo.com - Winners of Creative Photo Awards 2021

30 Photos That Won The Creative Photo Awards 2021

My Modern Met - Best of 2021: 50 Photographs From Around the World

The Optical Files #15: Cypress Hill - Cypress Hill (1991)

DJ Muggs is in the midst of a career resurgence, at least as far as press is concerned, thanks to a string of well-received solo projects & collaborations in the last few years. For a while, though, it seemed like Muggs was a hiphopper's best-kept secret--one of the most important sonic innovators in the genre but generally flying under the radar compared to the superstar producers he inspired. For an example, look no further than the album that started it all (respect due to 7A3), Cypress Hill's 1991 self-titled effort.

(Coincidentally, as I write this, yesterday Cypress Hill announced a new album to be fully produced by Black Milk, with no Muggs in sight.)

One listen to Cypress Hill confirms Muggs, who produced the whole album, as one of the unsung architects of the West Coast gangsta sound. The slower tempos on songs like "Pigs" & "Stoned is the Way of the Walk," loping basslines & druggy atmosphere are distinct from the sharper, more uptempo production of earlier L.A. gangsta acts like Ice-T. Still, Cypress Hill's particular blend of elements is wholly unique: skanky funk guitars, psychedelic leads, Latin rhythms, & samples like vocal chops, sound effects, isolated bits of noise that come & go in the mix like random synapses firing in the stoned brain. The overall effect is off-kilter, carnivalesque (see the brief hurdy-gurdy beat change in the middle of "How I Could Just Kill a Man"), colorful & vaguely comedic. The congregate impression is of the world turned slightly askew, leading to surprising flips like the "Duke of Earl" sample that propels "Hand on the Pump." Even the cover art is stretched out of shape, mimicking the distorted view through a haze of cheeba smoke.

This cartoonish quality extends to the lyrics & vocal performance. B-Real's nasal falsetto delivery is a love-it-or-hate-it element; personally I love it, & I'm always a little disappointed when Sen Dog starts rapping. No disrespect to Sen--he & his brother Mellow Man Ace are legends in Latin rap--but he's significantly less interesting than B-Real both lyrically & vocally. Most of the album showcases B-Real's nimble flow, as he seemingly invents slang on the fly, flips turns of phrase without calling attention to them, cracks sly asides & dares you to keep up. Cypress Hill never took themselves as seriously as other West Coast gangsta acts (though, for what it's worth, Sen & B are genuine gang members). Although there is plenty of violence in the lyrics, the whole thing is shot through with a sense of gregarious fun. I think this element is what made Cypress Hill such a successful crossover act with white suburban audiences. They delivered tough street tales with just enough winking at the camera to make the pill easier to swallow, & their music had a rock & roll bent that got more pronounced as the years went on.

"Pigs" is a great opener, setting the stage for what is to come, with a monumental beat & a sneering anti-police message that's almost makes me forgive this for being the 2nd album in this series where you hear a homophobic slur before a full minute has elapsed. On the other hand, Cypress Hill lacks the extreme misogyny that was a common feature of this era of gangsta rap. B & Sen crack a few jokes at the expense of objectified women, but there's nothing approaching the extreme woman-hating of an album like N.W.A.'s Efil4zaggin, which was made contemporaneously, released 3 months earlier, & had a similar sonic profile.

Ultimately, for me Cypress Hill fall into the Busta Rhymes category of iconic, influential hiphop figures who never managed to make a truly great album. I'm tempted to use the word "frontloaded," but the problem is more just a dearth of ideas. All the good ones were used in the album's first half, & the rest starts to feel a little samey. There are surely bright spots on the album's back half ("Stoned is the Way...", "Latin Lingo," "Tres Equis"), but overall it feels like all the crew's tricks have been exhausted by track 9.

One thing I've always loved about early West Coast gangsta rap is its diversity. Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E. represented American Samoa, Mellow Man Ace & Kid Frost brought Latin flavors, & there were even folks like Muggs, Everlast (pre-House of Pain he was part of Ice-T's Rhyme $yndicate) & Eazy-E's signee Tairrie B representing the mayonnaise delegation. The multi-platinum-selling Cypress Hill were the first crew to bring Latin rap to the mainstream, & they have proudly represented their Cuban & Mexican roots ever since. Despite any quibbles I have about the album, that (& the 2 million+ units it sold) are things I can never argue with.

Titane - Featured Film of Interest - Winner of the 2021 Cannes Film Festival Palme d'Or

Titane, directed by Julia Ducournau and winner of the 2021 Palme d'Or at Cannes, is my most anticipated film of 2021.  Though it was released in October, I have yet to see it due to zero opportunity.  I'm hoping for a local theater screening in the upcoming months (Violet Crown, please), but have yet to see notice of one.  I do not think it is yet streaming, but if it is, I'm pretty certain that I will hold out for the big screen.  I may have to travel a bit, Richmond/DC style.  For those of my friends and colleagues in major markets and larger cities that have had the chance to see Titane, well, keep it quiet - you already know I'm jealous.

Director Julia Ducournau after her win

'Titane - an outlandish film packed full of sex and violence - has won the top award at the 2021 Cannes Film Festival.

Director Julie Ducournau is only the second woman to receive the Palme d'Or and the first female to win it alone.'

Links:  

- BBC - Cannes Film Festival:  Titane wins top Palme d'Or prize 

- The Guardian - Julia Ducournau:  "Women Kicked serious ass this year"

The Optical Files #14: Kool G. Rap & D.J. Polo - Live and Let Die (1992)

A few weeks ago when I wrote about Kool G's 2002 album The Giancana Story, my main critiques were of the production & the monotonous subject matter. If I'd known this album would be coming up on the random number generator so soon, I would have offered Live and Let Die as a counter-example. Not only does this album feature the best production G Rap ever had, it also switches up the subject matter often enough to keep things interesting, without ever veering out of the emcee's established lane.

In the Giancana piece I wrote: "Far be it from me to try to tell one of the inventors of thug rap not to rap about thug shit," & indeed, there's not a song here that doesn't fall into the general thug shit category, but within that there's so much variety. G Rap tells extravagant crime stories ("On the Run," "Train Robbery"); sex raps both descriptive ("Fuck U Man") & comically narrative ("Operation CB"); grim observational pieces tinged with social conscience ("Crime Pays," "Ill Street Blues,"); focused rhymes on specific street topics ("Go For Your Guns"); general braggadocio ("Letters," "#1 With a Bullet"); vivid tales of madness approaching horrorcore territory ("Straight Jacket," "Edge of Sanity").

The fresh sound of the album is thanks to West Coast producer extraordinaire Sir Jinx, making his first contributions to NYC hiphop after several years of working with Ice Cube & his associated acts (Cube & Jinx's partnership even predates N.W.A.). The result is a beautiful bi-coastal blend of sounds, with NY's noisy rat-a-tat-tat colliding with LA's stoned, loping funk in tracks like "On the Run," with its slow tempo & skanky guitars, & "Crime Pays," which could easily be an Ice Cube track circa Death Certificate.

G Rap hadn't developed his extended multisyllabic rhyme schemes yet, but this is peak lyricism for this era of his career. He keeps up with Big Daddy Kane's rapid-fire patter on "#1 With a Bullet," & spins heads around in the bar-baric "Letters." As always, I'm less impressed with his lyrical treatment of women. "Fuck U Man" is a sequel to "Talk Like Sex," & as always I struggle to imagine any woman thinking these come-ons sound appealing: "I'm leaving bitches' vaginas with more stitches than Frankenstein." He's bragging about his sexual prowess (in particularly violent terms) to an audience wholly made up of other men--which is fine, but probably not what he intended. Anyway, the misogyny reaches a career low on "Train Robbery," where he literally boasts about sexually assaulting one of his mugging victims. Obviously the song is so outlandish as to make no pretensions to realism, but it also lacks the perspective that might give a moral dimension to the brutality.

A good comparison for the rape talk in "Train Robbery" is Geto Boys' "Mind of a Lunatic." G Rap is clearly influenced by the abject, debauched style of the Texas crew on songs like "Straight Jacket" & "Edge of Sanity," & he goes so far as to invite Scarface & Bushwick Bill onto the closer, "Two to the Head," also featuring Jinx's partner Ice Cube. I think Cube brings the best verse to this posse cut, but all 4 emcees do prime work here. 

3 weeks after this album dropped, The Chronic came out & completely obliterated any momentum Kool G's brand of hardcore might have had. Still, the closing track sums up the whole album: bringing together the finest ingredients from the east, west & south to create one of the key gangsta rap albums of the transitional period as the '80s combusted into the '90s. 

2021 Between the Lines #05 - Images of Relevance

Photojournalism opening windows into the world.

Boy, Indonesia

Moscow, Jan. 31

Bogota, Colombia, May 5

Avdiivka, Ukraine, Dec. 1

Petah Tikva, Israel, May 13

Los Angeles, CA, Jan. 18

Manhattan, NY, Nov. 2

Brooklyn, NY, Feb. 23

Echo Summit, CA, Aug. 30

Manhattan, NY, July 7

Washington DC, Oct. 27

The Bronx, NY, Nov.2

Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, March 18

Del Rio, Texas, Sept. 19

Washington DC, June 19

Dhiam Dhiam, South Sudan, Oct. 21

Yangon, Myanmar, March 14

Scotland, November

Links:  

BBC - The Most Striking Images of 2021

The NY Times - The Year in Pictures 2021

The Optical Files #13: Waylon Jennings - Honky Tonk Heroes (1973)

When I discovered Honky Tonk Heroes was the first time I ever vibed with a country album. This was no commercialized pop music to accompany racists in wraparound sunglasses on fishing trips--this was something raw, direct, blue-collar, understatedly intelligent; something that told the truth about life on the margins but didn't glamorize it. In short, I heard a lot of the same qualities that resonated with me about the hiphop I was obsessed with at the time.

Honky Tonk Heroes captures the moment the slick, overproduced sequin-suit "Nashville Sound" became old hat. Waylon growing his hair long & openly smoking weed pissed a lot of people in Music City off, but "outlaw country" didn't just get its energy & aesthetics from rock music: Waylon & co. were also inspired by the creative freedom that rock bands had, whereas Nashville labels still exercised old southern totalitarian control over their artists. After 9 years & 17 albums (all but 1 of which charted) in the Nashville gristmill, Waylon (with the help of a new business manager who came from the rock world) finally managed to convince his label to let him produce his own records, choose his own musicians (he chose his superglue-tight road band, The Waylors) & pick his own songs. Honky Tonk Heroes was the 2nd album to result from this new freedom, & introduced the final piece of the puzzle, songwriter Billy Joe Shaver.

It's become a cliche for critics to remark that Shaver wrote such great songs because he lived them, since his hardscrabble biography is good review fodder, but the fact is that no amount of rough living could have produced these songs without Shaver's innate knack for a turn of phrase. The album is full of unshowy lyrical gems like "Old Five and Dimers (Like Me)", a song about identity, perception, & the gulf between reach & grasp, where he declares "Fenced yards ain't hole cards & like as not never will be/Reason for rhymers & old five & dimers like me."

Every song (except for the closer, which I'll get to in a minute) being written by Shaver gives the album a sonic unity that patchwork Nashville albums often lacked. The last element that ties the whole thing together is the playing. When I listen to country albums, I'm more interested in songwriting than musicianship, but I'll be damned if this record doesn't have some righteous playing. The opening title track starts out with a solo acoustic guitar picking a cowboy-style figure, & Waylon sings over this (in a voice that sounds like it's made of leather), then stops...& the universe takes a breath...then the distortion gets turned on & the full band tears in, with the power of a road-tested combo, & Waylon howls the lyrics once again on top of the maelstrom. A reeling Don Brooks harmonica solo later, the whole band turns on a dime & plays a completely different riff for the last 10 seconds of the song, & it's so good it could have been the whole song. (I went ahead & did that several years ago, if you're interested.)

The album is full of moments like this, that shore up the already solid foundations of the songs. Brooks on harmonica & Ralph Mooney on steel guitar (both of the Waylors) are probably the album's instrumental heroes overall, but my favorite bit is when those fiddles come in on the chorus of "Willy the Wandering Gypsy and Me," which is the most transcendent moment I know of in all of country music. It makes me feel like the travelers in the song, cresting a ridge just as the fog breaks & seeing home on the other side of the valley.

The album closer, "We Had It All," is not a bad song, but it's the only one not written by Shaver, & it's the only one that has the swooning string arrangement & overproduced "Nashville Sound," & thus is a bummer to close with. Including it on the album must have been a concession to the label--it sounds that out of place. RCA Victor did release it as a single, but it only charted at #28, compared to Shaver's "You Ask Me To," which went to #8, which must have been a nice feather in the cap for Billy Joe & Waylon.

I have the 1999 Buddha Records reissue, which tacks on Shaver's "Slow Rollin' Low' from the next album & the single version of "You Ask Me To," with an overdubbed Brooks harmonica solo. Both are fine, but I guess Buddha was scrambling to offer some bonus tracks because neither is very necessary. The 10 tracks that precede them, though? Very necessary. Monumental.

Outkast - 'Player's Ball' - Song for the Day

Cullen's recent Optical Files #12 post inspired me to revisit an album that was pinnacle to my youthful musical evolution.  Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik isn't just one of the coolest album titles of all time. The debut album by the Outkast, as well as the follow up, ATLiens, were the most significant albums to me personally in opening the doors of hip hip.  They remain my most listened to hip hop duo, and Andre 3000 perhaps my favorite MC.  Enjoy the video and song for the day, from a very youthful Outkast (1994).  It still blows my mind how young they were to release such an intensely innovative album.

Links:  

Outkast Official Site

Outkast FB

The Optical Files #12: Outkast - Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik (1994)

Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik is the Illmatic of the south. It dropped exactly 1 week after that epochal Nas album, & signaled the same thing: regional hiphop fully emerging into a '90s identity, refining the best parts of the '80s styles and innovating with an exacting level of craftsmanship, shepherded by the voices of ambitious teenagers. It's a testament to the south's enduring sonic influence on hiphop that of the transformational '90s albums for each region (Illmatic & Enter the 36 Chambers for NYC, The Chronic for the west coast, etc.) Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik still sounds the most modern.

The album introduced Big Boi & Andre 3000's left-field lyricism & southern-fried flows, but it also introduced Organized Noize, who produced every track on the album & left an enormous footprint on hiphop production in general, not just in the south. The ONP sound can be summed up as "everything is alive," a breathing organic approach to production & a breath of fresh air compared to the robotic sound that some sample-less hiphop tends to fall into. After the opening 2 songs (the hard rock-inflected "Myintrotoletuknow" & "Ain't No Thang," both featuring Craig Love's searing guitar & cuts by Mr. DJ), the album settles into deep southern funk with the title track, & this is the sonic space it will continue to occupy. Aside from programmed drums & keyboards, most of the instruments are played live, & you can hear the influence of Rap-A-Lot Records & Mike Dean, especially in the rap-less "Funky Ride," which features an extended guitar solo by Edward Stroud.

The two rappers are still a bit immature both in terms of sound & subject matter. Andre uses a huskier chest voice here, & Antwan is pitched higher--these positions would reverse as early as the next album. The lyrical topics have a lot to do with being teenagers: chasing girls, smoking weed, deciding whether to drop out of school--but all shot through the slightly cracked dutch-angle lens of 2 unconventional writers. The gangsta posturing found on "Ain't No Thang" & others here didn't last long--Twan & Dre never quite stopped writing about street violence, but it was never with the braggadocious tone we hear here.

Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik isn't the best, most original, or most fully realized Outkast album, but it is the most modest & straightforward, & it laid the groundwork for all that was to come.

The Optical Files #11: Bob Dylan - Modern Times (2006)

 

This series seems to be in a bit of a trend: slightly disappointing followups to albums that were really important to me. 2001's "Love and Theft" is easily the best 21st century Dylan album & will probably be his last great record. Modern Times was the 3rd in his career renaissance trilogy, before the critical acclaim started to dry up with 2009's Together Through Life. I remember the excitement of buying Modern Times (I got the deluxe edition that came as a bound book with an extra DVD of music videos) more than I remember the actual music, which is never a good sign.

Modern Times isn't a bad album, but it has 2 problems: it's a bit too reminiscent of "Love and Theft", & the lyrical topics feel more questionable to me than they did back in 2006. Just like Gwen Stefani with The Sweet Escape, Dylan saw how big a hit his last album was & set about trying to recreate it. So opener "Thunder on the Mountain" sounds like "Summer Days," "Spirit on the Water" sounds like "Bye and Bye," "Beyond the Horizon" sounds like "Floater," etc. Granted, Dylan has never been much for innovating melodies, but back-to-back albums haven't sounded so samey since the '70s Self-Portrait days. I think he knows it, since on "Someday Baby" he reflects, "I keep recycling the same old thoughts," over a repetitive blues arrangement: no chorus chord changes, no bridge, just a few wispy solos that come & go like the wind.

On lyrics: essentially, the album breaks down like this: half apocalyptic, half sexist. I will not comment here on the lawsuit against Dylan for having allegedly groomed & assaulted a minor back in the '60s, because there isn't enough information, but I will say that I am willing to believe the accuser & it is not inconsistent with Dylan's overall record. For every epic, beautiful love song he's written, he's written another song that is really unkind to women. Here on Modern Times, he hits us with an early-album 1-2 punch of songs on the same raggedy old topic: I-can't-help-loving-her-even-though-she-treats-me-like-shit. "Spirit on the Water" has a deceptively gentle instrumental that almost distracts you from the sneering lyrics. "Rollin' and Tumblin'" is more direct in its misogyny, opening with the line "some young lazy slut has charmed away my brains," and later declaring "this woman's so crazy, I swear I ain't gonna touch another one for years."

When the topic turns to eschatology later on in the album, the results are better. My favorites on this listen were "Nettie Moore," a soothing minimalist arrangement with regretful lyrics tinged with armageddon, the gospel-hued "When the Deal Goes Down," & the closer "Ain't Talkin'," an eerie Nick Cave-style apocalypse ballad that reminds me of Masked and Anonymous, that weird movie Dylan starred in back in 2003. On "Nettie Moore," Dylan sounds ready for doomsday, even though he wishes it didn't turn out that way. On "Ain't Talkin'," though, he practically welcomes it, recognizes that this is the only way our story could end, & speculating that whatever god we once had has turned its back on us: "there's no one here, the gardener is gone." Between these 2 songs, it feels like Dylan predicted the general malaise of 2020-22--or maybe it's just a reminder how little anything really changes.

Biab Pop Culture Character Quiz - A Dichotomy of Perspective

The Following is a Pop Culture Quiz designed by Boy in a box as an either/or dichotomy of the most ridiculous nature.  I know most of you are familiar with this paradigm for fun back and forth banter. Some of the classic standards in music would be "Beatles or Stones", "Chuck Berry or Elvis", "Biggie or Tupac" and so on.  It's basically a quiz of pointed preferences.  You get the idea.  

Some of the dichotomies on the list are pop culture standards or cliches that you are likely familiar with, and have possibly considered before.  Others are stolen from friends and various places, and some are originals (likely also stolen). 

Here's how it works:  There is a list below with 25 numbered "either/or" preferences. Admittedly, some will be tough calls, even for me (and I wrote the damn thing).  You will inevitably have a few in which you like both or dislike both.  The idea is to not over think it - go with your first instinctive response.  You must choose and answer for all numbered items to get an accurate score. No skipping or choosing both.  I'll give you just one exemption - If you really must go neutral on a numbered choice, you get one and only one that you may skip.  If you don't know the references on the list, well, you should be ashamed, and move on.

 

As this is a Biab indulgence of the silliest nature, there are indeed Right and Wrong answers. The Scoring Key is below the list.  Please don't peak ahead of time.  Enjoy, or just laugh at the whole thing.  Either is an appropriate response.  If anyone cares to post answers, comments or scores, feel free to add a response here on the blog, or visit our Facebook page and respond under the Quiz post.  

Biab Official Pop Culture Character Quiz

We'll start off with a few soft ones and build.  Be assured, the dichotomous challenges are in there.

  1.  Elvis or The Beatles

  2.  England or France

  3.  Paul or John (yes, George is an acceptable answer; Ringo is not)

  4.  Aliens or Alien

  5.  Spielberg or Scorsese

  6.  Black Sabbath or The Clash

  7.  Star Trek or Star Wars

  8.  The Doors or Velvet Underground

    

  9.  Chaplin or Keaton

10.  Guns n' Roses or Nirvana

11.  Westerns or Science Fiction

12.  Pete Townshend or Jimi Hendrix

13.  Wes Craven or John Carpenter

14.  Duke Ellington or Charlie Parker

15.  James Dean or Marlon Brando

16.  Kevin Smith or Spike Lee

17.  Return of the Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back

18.  BB King or John Lee Hooker

19.  Michelangelo Antonioni or Federico Fellini

20.  Superman or Batman

21.  Gucci Mane or Killer Mike

22.  Tom Robbins or Kurt Vonnegut

23.  Wes Anderson or PT Anderson

24.  Without Butter or With Butter

25.  Edison or The Lumières

Answer Key and Scoring Explained:  Some of you that know me well may have already figured this out.  As you can notice, looking at the numerical list of options as a whole, it falls into two vertical columns on either side of the "or".  The Right Column, all the way down, for every single number, is the RIGHT answer.  The Left column (first item on each option) is the WRONG answer throughout.

So, add up all of your Right Column Responses, and add up all of your Left Column Responses. There should be 25 total answers, unless you used the exemption for one, then there will be 24.  

Scoring key:

- 13 or more answers/preferences in the Right Column:  You are officially Biab RIGHTEOUS.  If you had more than 15 in the right column, you're right at home, and we adopt you.  19 or more, you're our Pop Culture Hero.  You'll love what we do here at Boy in a box.

- Even Score, 12-12 in each column (only possible if one was exempted):  Biab NEUTRAL, but you should still stick around.  We like a little challenge on our subjective perspective.

- 13 or more in the Left Column (meaning 12 or less in the Right Column):  Oh jeez.  Alright, officially this lands you at Biab NEGATIVE.  

Though negative test results are a good thing in many aspects of our life right now, not so much on this quiz.  However, don't be distraught, and certainly don't run away.  We may be a bit suspicious of you, but there is always room to grow, and perhaps we can be a good influence.

Yes, I am absolutely fully aware of my excessive B.S. in the entirety of this post.  That was, once again, kind of the whole point.  I know it was fun for me, I hope the same for a few of you.